Perfectionism and Mom Guilt

I've reached a new pinnacle of parenthood - Bowie said "I love you mommy" for the first time!

Bowie is almost 2 1/2 now. I've loved every age so far, and this age is proving to be even better than the last. I always say that though. Just like every song I write with my band, if you ask me what my favorite song is, it's probably the last one we wrote. Which, incidentally, IS my favorite right now. We wrote one several months ago that just didn't quite work so we put it on the back burner and just decided to try working on it again. Magically, it came together in ~ an hour and now we have an amazing song we love! It will be fun to record the new songs we've written over the last year, this year. We're also starting to work on a music video that's going to be on fleek. Sorry, had to do it. Now that I'm 40, I've resorted to using teenage slang to make myself feel younger, hipper. Check back soon to see this sweet video. A well-known local burlesque dancer and Dolly Parton's niece will be doing a burlesque dance to our song, It Girls... www.scalemodelmusic.com

Bowie now prefaces everything he says with "dude". It's hilarious. Nothing like toddlers to be your mirror. Dave and I both asked ourselves, do we really say dude that much? It could be worse. Like "no poop, I fart" that Dave is laughing at and constantly encouraging.

Poor baby threw up for the first time this week. He was scared more than anything I think at the unfamiliar feeling of your stomach involuntarily pushing its contents back up. He seemed miserable, poor baby. I mean, who does like that nasty feeling? I think I became more de-sensitized to it my freshman year in college when I would regularly drink too much at frat parties and throw up. I guess college was good for something.

I am frequently able to communicate with his spirit while he's sleeping, although never like I was able to before we conceived and while I was pregnant. Even when he was an infant, it was easier. I wonder if the spirit communicates telepathically less the longer it's in the human body. Or maybe just while it's in a new human body that's busy trying to figure out how the hell to live and communicate with others on this earth. Anyway, I was letting him know that this throwing up feeling is a normal, occasional part of human life.

It has been nice being on a month-long winter break from work, but I was ready to get back to work. I could never be a stay-at-home mom. I start to go crazy if I'm not fulfilling my talent and passion of teaching for too long. Thankfully I live in an era where I'm not made to feel guilty if I want to work out of the home. But, I haven't escaped the mom-guilt in just about every other area of parenting.

Mom guilt and perfectionism that has come out of the woodwork as soon as I became a mom has surprised me and taken me by storm. I had done a lot of personal work to get over my own perfectionism, so when this seemingly-instinctual perfectionism started rearing its ugly head again, I succumbed to guilt. The scary thing about this, not unlike fear or many other unpleasant emotions, is that it sneaks up on me and I'm not aware it's affecting me. The main reason for this, I think is that the first year of Bowie's life, the first year of being a parent, I had no idea what I was doing and was overwhelmed by the difficulty and new responsibility and role, that I felt I was just surviving, and wasn't aware of the unhelpful emotions that were creeping in.

SO, this year I am paying attention and will NOT succumb to mom guilt!  I just realized that I know lots of people who had f*cked up childhoods and have turned out to be fine, so I'm pretty sure if Bowie gets a little too much screen time one day, or has snacks for meals one day, or mac & cheese more than once every couple weeks, or if I had a lot of work to get done and can't play with him all day, or if I don't read to him as much as I think is best for his development some days, or if he doesn't go to bed at 8:00 every single night, or if he doesn't get exposed to a variety of experiences or classes and some weeks the only excursion is our neighborhood walk, or if he sometimes eats non-organic fruits/vegetables or sometimes uses soap or hand sanitizer that is on the EWG (environmental watch group) he will still turn out just fine.

I'll post an update about my consulting business next time. I got a FT job teaching public speaking at Motlow State Community College for now and am enjoying the flexible hours, almost-part-time hours, and breaks (winter, summer, spring..) so I can spend a lot of time with Bowie and on my coaching/consulting business.

It's Happening! I Took the Leap to Start My Own Business!

It has been a terrifying and exciting roller coaster, but since the universe pushed me into having no choice but to do what I had slowly started to do over the last year (and had been thinking about for years), I took the leap to start my own business! It's called JMJ Communication Group, a training, coaching and consulting business.  

I knew I wasn't meant to teach college full-time forever, so after 6 years of struggling to find a full-time college teaching position, doing the adjunct thing for most of that time and finally getting a full-time lecturer position at a state university near me only to be one of the first to be let go a year and a half later when the department had to cut it's FTT staff in half, I got the message. The skills and knowledge I had gained teaching all that time teaching communication classes perfectly prepared me to finally be ready to start my communication training, coaching and consulting business I had been thinking about for years. The only reason I hadn't had the courage and confidence to take the leap before is because I thought it would be very hard to secure regular business, aka, income and liked the idea of just showing up for a job and know I would have a regular paycheck. The idea of starting a business also seemed like a monumental task, like climbing Mt. Everest. And that's exactly what it feels like now, but I've been able to focus on specific things I have gained expertise in over the years and want to offer in my business and have a strong passion for teaching those topics, so my motto has become take it a day at a time. As long as I am taking steps forward every day, even if some days it's just a baby step, I feel I'm making progress. 

I've been taking more than just baby steps for the last few months, when I made up my mind that I was going to go for this for real. And, already, I feel like I'm at base camp 1. I love that Everest documentary, and frequently compare my journey in starting my business to climbing a mega mountain. And the more progress I make, the more excited and confident I feel. 

And speaking of baby steps, I have a 1-yr old (our 1st child), so I talk about that in my vlog in case anyone with young kids thinks they can't follow their dream and start their own business with little ones. In fact, that's one of the main reasons I decided to go for it now because it has been 8 years since I worked a 9-5, M-F job and the thought of having to go back to doing that now and not be able to spend some days during the week with my toddler is not something I can imagine!

I started a vlog on my youtube channel a couple weeks ago to document my journey and share tips in hopes to help others who have always wanted to start their own business but have not had the courage and/or confidence to do it. You can check follow along with me weekly there... https://youtu.be/_GMg5YMFTCM?t=20s  It's very amateur, raw and honest, and was very scary to do these first 2 videos, so bare with me. ;)

Also, speaking of baby steps, I just saw a great video by Tony Robbins on the idea of the importance of making progress in your goals. It's called The Art of Fulfillment. Check it out.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ncm3vxbOmyc 

The Case of the Difficult Co-Worker: A Simple Solution

I was talking to someone the other day who was complaining about her co-worker and how she wanted to quit the job because she couldn't stand her co-worker and working with her anymore. I asked what was going on and she said this co-worker would say things like, "that's nice you're out on the town enjoying yourself when I'm here at the office working" in the evenings. I asked if this person wanted a pat on the back for work she does a lot and they confirmed yes! So I said, if that's just what this person needs - appreciation and acknowledgement for her good work and hard-working dedication - do you give that to her? She laughed and said "No, I'm not going to pat her on the back!"

I wondered why she was not willing to do something that seemed to me to be a simple solution to this major problem that was making her miserable enough to want to quit her job! Why? Because her ego was involved. She probably thought her co-worker was demeaning her for her lack of hard work and/or dedication to the job and her ego got flared up and she didn't want to let this person continue to believe this and even possibly encourage her to do so by stroking her ego. She took this co-workers words personally - which is what happens when we don't assume someone is behaving badly because of their own issues. (see my past blog post for more about this)

Wait! Maybe the co-worker WAS demeaning her for her lack of hard work and/or dedication to the job you say? Well, that's also an easy fix if she thought that was the case. She could just have a conversation with her co-worker about expectations and goals about the work and responsibilities.

Then, once they had the conversation and came to an agreement on work expectations and goals, if this co-worker kept behaving badly, she would know they either didn't really come to an agreement in their conversation. OR she could just not take what the co-worker says personally knowing, from their conversation, that she really just needs pats on the back once in a while. But she wouldn't know this if she didn't communicate with her co-worker.

It amazes me how people are willing to go to great lengths to put up with misery or even make a major, possibly detrimental, change in their lives just because they don't want to have a difficult conversation.

I am a communication teacher and have a coaching business where I help people in situations just like this. If you have a problem with someone at work who is making you miserable and you don't want to communicate with them, seek outside help instead of causing yourself months or years of misery.

Is It OK To Love Shopping If I'm A Spiritual, Urban Hippy?

I used to think I was a walking contradiction because I love clothes and fashion and shopping, yet I also consider myself a bit of an urban hippy and a spiritual "new ager". These days, however, I don't care anymore about labels and silly social "rules" or expectations of others and am happy to be a hybrid leopard with many different kinds of spots.

A side thought: I wonder how much age has to do with the amount I give a shit about others expectations of me? Reminds me of Wanda Sykes bit about getting older and not giving a f*ck. Do yourself a favor and take a listen if you haven't heard this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qXzfVny8Zo

Don't get me wrong, I love getting a great goodwill or thrift store find just like the next person, but I also love shopping designer labels at Nordstrom Rack. I love that store because you can get great designer or designer-looking, quality, trendy clothes at a great price. Anyone who has champagne tastes with a ginger ale budget like me probably shares my gratitude for stores like NR.

I have always loved clothes. I always feel confident and fabulous in a new top or outfit. I love when people compliment my clothes too. And there's nothing like shopping to help relieve a little stress or overcome a bad week. Retail therapy is for real!

My new shirt makes me happy

I don't think there's anything wrong with buying something that makes you feel good when you're feeling crappy. It's when you go overboard and it becomes your self-medication and you need to shop to feel good. Or, I know people who feel anxiety or inadequate somehow and always think that if they just had a better this or that, that they'd feel content but contentment never comes. They just always want something better.

Homeowners know what I'm talking about too. You always find something to improve on in your house. We just bought a house last year so this annoying feeling of always wanting better is starting to drive me crazy. We never really cared about what needed improving in the house we were renting because we had no control over home improvements so we just gave up. I can get carried away easily in my quest for perfection in my house. There was something nice about just being content (usually lol) with what we had in our old house.

That same thing applies to people always wanting stuff. The new this or that is always on their minds, thinking about when they can acquire it. I love FB marketplace because you can "shop" all the time thinking about what you might need or want and not feel too bad about buying shit because it's used and a cheap price. But, it can easily perpetuate the obsession with feeling you need stuff to feel good.

I've found myself getting into that rut lately. I don't realize how stressed I've become until I realize how much I've bought the last month or two. For me, shopping is an immediate "feel good", especially if I've scored something for a great bargain. So, that feel good feeling blocks out the anxiety I feel about my life at the moment. It's not to the extent that I consider myself a shopaholic. I know many people who do this same behavior who aren't shopaholics but like the occasional pick-me-up that buying something new (or new to you) gives you.

My motto is everything is ok in moderation. As long as you are self-aware to realize when you need to focus on some self-care to reach a better balance in your life, it's all good sister!

Contradiction of Lifestyles-Values ??

Many people in the spiritual or new age camp as well as any kind of hippy will say that minimalism is the way to go and if you have a lot of stuff or like to buy stuff (especially, god forbid NEW stuff and not used or recycled stuff), you're not a true spiritual person or hippy. Well, I see nothing wrong with wearing many caps and don't feel I perfectly fit into any one category of lifestyle. I love my girlfriends clothing swaps and thrift-storing and garage-sailing as much as I love shopping at my favorite retail clothes store. I also have gone long periods where I haven't bought anything but necessities and focused on other more important things in life. But then I missed the great feeling of finding that perfect new outfit or accessory. I fit into my own unique lifestyle and it's working just fine for me. I just make sure I have balance in life. When I have that, I am able to love myself and my life and embrace my uniqueness. Screw labels and the judgments that come along with them. If wearing a brand new shirt you love that you just bought makes you feel fabulous, I say YOU GO GIRL! There are enough places, people, rules, norms that try to make people feel like they're not good enough or inadequate or are doing it wrong.

Life is too short to not enjoy the simple things. Even if for me, that simple thing just might be a new shirt!

Poll for all of you shopping lovers out there: What is your favorite thing to buy? Where is your favorite store to shop? comment below

How To Resolve Any Argument

2 Steps to Resolve Any Argument

Yes, they're easier said than done, I know

1. Just get out of your own head/ego and try to see the perspective of the other person (put yourself in their shoes) and why they might be arguing with you and ask if there might be a misunderstanding and communicate from a place of non-anger and understanding. 2. Try to get the other person to get out of their own head/ego and see the situation from your perspective (put themselves in your shoes) and communicate from a place of non-anger and understanding.

This seemed so simple to me until I had a major dispute with my mother. It was easy for me to step outside myself to see the broader situation and try to understand her perspective. This is because I've done years of spiritual and self-reflection work and happen to be a communication professor so I'm able to get out of my ego and communicate well. So, I should have known that this is no easy task for most people. I know now though. It was almost impossible for me to get my mom to put herself in my shoes. Her ego tends to flare up quickly and she puts a wall up in her mind to refuse to see anything from anyone else's perspective. It took over ONE YEAR for her to finally understand my perspective and all of a sudden, when she did, her anger toward the situation disappeared. 

SO..... it CAN be done, but it ain't easy! 

Message me if you want to know exactly how I get out of my ego.

As we know, you can't just write off a close friend, spouse or family member from one argument (it's a bad idea that you'll regret). So, if anyone is having a major argument with a friend, spouse, family member or co-worker and want help, let me know. We can chat. I need to hear both sides of the story from each of you though, so each person has to be willing to work it out. Email me and we'll set up a time to chat.

Also email me or comment below if you feel this technique won't work for your situation. I've put it to the test in many situations, but want to know if there are some that it won't work for. 

coachmeganjrox@gmail.com 

Things You Do and Don't Really Need for Your Newborn and Your Pre-Baby Self

Now that I've been a mom for almost 14 months now, I of course feel like an expert. haha. Well, ok, I'll never be an expert, but I feel compelled to share information based on my experience that I wish I had read somewhere before little Bowie came along. For those first few months and beyond.....

Necessary Baby Items
I have read more times than not on those lists of baby necessities on Pinterist that these two things are unnecessary. Well, I will tell you they are definitely necessary.

Bottle Warmer - Even if you "plan" on breastfeeding, there are many factors that may cause you to not be able to, or to not be able to exclusively. (Read the book MommaZen to help prepare you to come to terms with the fact that you can plan for whatever you want when having a baby - and even giving birth - but you are not in control and you're just along for the ride of unexpected surprises along the way). So, like what happened with us, I fully intended on breastfeeding but my milk took way too long to come in AND Bowie had a lip and tongue tie so his latch prevented him from being able to effectively feed. So, as I was pumping away every ~2 hrs, and had breastmilk in the fridge ready to feed him. It had to be warmed, and at 3am waiting around for the 10 min. it takes to warm a bottle on on the stove seems like an eternity when you have a baby screaming in hunger. My husband went out one night that first week baby was home to our nearby 24hr. walmart and bought a bottle warmer because we couldn't take it anymore. It was one of the best purchases we made (and at $25, TOTALLY worth it).

Baby Wipes Warmer - Particularly if you have a fall or winter baby. When you want to change your baby in the middle of the night and don't want them waking up and screaming from a cold wipe freezing their bottom. I mean, would you want a cold wipe on your warm butt anytime? Even now, at 13+ mos., Bowie hates cold wipes and has that familiar body shiver when I tried unplugging it over the summer, because somehow, they get colder than room temperature even in the summer.

Totally Unnecessary Baby Items

Shoes - I mean, come on, shoes for infants are just as ironic as pockets on baby shirts. What do they need shoes for? They never stay on more than 10 min. anyway. And you can get warm socks to keep their feet warm in cooler weather (or better yet, get the footie one-piece outfits so you don't have to worry about socks falling off every half hour). We had a bunch of pairs of shoes gifted to us and Bowie only wore one pair a couple times for special occasions (pictures).

I'm sure there are others I'm not thinking of, so comment and let me know what your unnecessary baby items were.


Necessary Items for the Momma-to-Be

Maternity Clothing Sharing or Rental Sites

LeTote.com
I just discovered this website that I wish I had known about when I was pregnant! Letote.com is like a clothing rental co. where you can select outfits to wear and they ship everything free and you can wear as long as you want and send back and request another couple outfits to wear when you get sick of the others. How perfect for maternity clothes that you're not going to wear again after 9 mos.! Until the next baby that is. ;)  They have a monthly membership starting at $40 a month. And I just used a half-off first month coupon that somehow made it only $9! (fyi, they gave me 3 1-month free coupons to share if anyone is interested).

I am a fashion hound and love clothes. I never wear the same thing more than once in 2-3 weeks, so I HATED the fact that I was stuck with the same boring few maternity pants, tops and dresses. And as much as I wished, I could not wear yoga pants to work. I'm a fashionista on a budget, so I wasn't about to go out and spend a lot of money on a bunch of clothes I would only wear for ~6 months. And being a bargain hunter, you know I scoped Goodwill, but maternity clothes make up about 1/2 % of their inventory and I think I only found one item at several near me.

There are other sites similar to this that recently popped up: Borrowforyourbump.com, Stitchfix.com, Bellagravita.com, Labellebump.com, Minefornine.com.  Why couldn't these have been around when I was pregnant?!

There are also some great second-hand sites where I bought some nice maternity clothes for a good price, like Thredup.com Swap.com.

Marriage-Saving Tips

1. Don't buy a house and start a new job four months after having a baby. Enough said.

2. Great book: Babyproofing Your Marriage
I had no idea how hard it would be when my husband and I were used to having long conversations on the front porch at night to then be thrust into sleep deprivation, new roles, and no conversation. In the early days, the most conversation we had was a grunt or head nod which meant "hey", as we turned our baby shift over to the other.
I wished I had read this while I was pregnant, but since I'm a communication professor, communication is a big part of our relationship and I knew to talk about roles and partnership expectations before baby came. We had pre-established that we would take 3-4 hr. shifts in those early days, and I told my hubby not to expect a clean house or regular meals. Thankfully I made a bunch of freezer meals before D-Day and had a wonderful network of kind, supportive friends and family to help out. In other countries, the whole community drops everything and comes together to support a mother after the birth of her baby and all she has to do is tend to the baby. What happened to our society/culture?! Geesh. I mean, here, many women's friends and family help out but not nearly to the extent of some other cultures.

Goodbye Old Self - Hello Mama Self

Now that it's coming up on ONE YEAR that I've been a parent now (Bowie will be 1 in a week!), I'm over the new-parent hazing and the whirlwind of such a huge life change and have been reflecting more about my new identity. As you parents out there know, you can't, or don't want to anymore do everything you used to do pre-baby and some of your interests may have changed. Basically, taking on the new role of parent in and of itself is a big identity shift I think. 

I'm partially mourning the loss of my old self, the self who had enough energy (and probably interest) to want to go out at least once a week to bars, music venues... I say I'm only partially mourning that self because, really, I feel like going to bars or going to see shows was getting not as exciting as it once was before my baby arrived. It's just that having a baby makes what is normally a gradual shift and change in life interests an abrupt shift and change. I'm not one who likes change to happen that fast. It makes me feel unsettled, like someone pulled the rug out from under me. So, I suppose it's not that I'm mourning the loss of the ability or desire to do some things I once enjoyed doing because I realize I really don't enjoy doing some of those things anymore anyway. It's just that the shift happened so fast, I feel like I didn't have a say in it, or control over it. 

Ha, I could go into another long discussion about feeling the need for control: to control things that happen in my life. But I'm well aware that we only have so much control - the control of our thoughts, not the all of the outcomes of our life. I obviously have not learned this spiritual lesson because here I am, mourning the loss of control. But this is a good philosophical, metaphysical discussion for another time. 

Now that we're past the infant stage, I feel I can get back to doing some of the things I did and still do enjoy but haven't had the chance to do - like socializing with friends and going on outdoor adventures. And it's not like having a baby has stopped us from doing everything we love. It has just forced us to give up some things (the less important things anyway) and prioritize. We have never stopped doing the most important thing in our lives  - our band. And we still do a radio show. We played a show a month and a half after Bowie was born. :) But it sure will be nice to get back to doing some other fun things. Man, that first year has been tough! Did I mention I am making myself a "good job mama" cake at Bowie's first birthday? It may not say that on my cake, but I'm making myself a little cake knowing what it signifies. 

The other main thing I feel I'm mourning is the shift in friends that comes along with a shift in interests. We all change as we grow older and experience friends coming and going, at the very least, a shift in the closeness of friends. Those who were once very close now are more like acquaintances. This is a normal part of life and I'm ok with that. My problem is that I was trying to hold onto the closeness of friendships with people whose common interests were dwindling (aka, non-parent friends). And, I need to have close friends to feel like I'm sufficiently supported in life. I always thought, I would never be one of those people who talks to their non-parent friends about their kid and unloads my parenting problems on them, but it kind of just happened. AH! Yes, I became that person. I was wondering why some of my non-parent friends started becoming a little more distant and not asking me to hang out as much. I get it now! Ha. I also get that I really need to befriend more parents - those who understand my plight and can sympathize when I need to unload about how hard parts of being a parent are. I need that support. It's hard when most of your friends are non-parents. It didn't make it any easier that we moved 4 months after Bowie was born and my new neighborhood doesn't have the cool mom's groups that my old neighborhood did. It has been a struggle to find other moms with similar interests. Let this be a written call to the universe - where are my soul mate mamas?! I'll report back after the universe has delivered. 

I'll post pictures of Bowie's first birthday next weekend. Until then, here's photo documentation of what we've been doing with our lives this summer...

Motherhood - the First Year

As we're nearing the one-year mark (Bowie is 10 1/2 months), I'm realizing his first birthday party will be a celebration for me more than it will for him, although I'm sure he will enjoy having cake for the first time.  I will mostly be celebrating keeping him alive for a whole year while maintaining some sanity.  This year has been one of the hardest, most love-filled, most interesting year of my life.

I thought I was doing pretty good with the mommy guilt thing. I was able to go back to work and leave my baby with someone else to care for for the first time after 4 1/2 months without feeling guilty. He hasn't had any falls or accidents or physical injuries. But the first time my his health was in jeopardy because we're first-time parents and didn't know any better, mommy guilt snuck in like a ninja and wreaked havoc on me for, well, a month now. I always thought I would not be one of those mothers who feels guilty for making mistakes, because after all, we're not perfect right? Ha! Easier said than done when it comes to your child I'm finding out. When I make mistakes in my life, it's easy for me to practice self-compassion because it's myself who I'm screwing up and I know I can live with my own mistakes. But when it's someone else's life, someone who is helpless and impressionable, who you're screwing up, it's hard to accept they will have to live with the consequences of your mistakes. I don't know why mistakes we make towards our children are so hard to accept and forgive though. It's not like some past mistakes haven't affected someone else's life before. I'm sure I've made a financial mistake that affected my husband. Although all I can remember are his mistakes that have cost us, haha. Funny how selective memory works.

There really needs to be parenting classes. I mean, I consider myself an educated, informed person who has read baby development books and researched (ad nauseum) online but I see lots of conflicting information and I have relied on my pediatrician to tell me what I need to be doing and if I'm doing something wrong. Which did not happen, hence the major health issue. I mean, they have classes/training to get married, get a drivers license, get a job, play an instrument, go through childbirth, learn how to swim, I could go on.... WHY NO CLASSES ON HOW TO RAISE A CHILD???!!!!

I also find it very strange that they have pre-marital counseling before you get married (at least in the church), but there is no pre-parenting counseling before having a baby and so far, raising a child has been far harder than staying married. It's not even the same ballpark.

Our first year of parenting could have gone smoother if my husband and I had talked about our expectations of roles and responsibilities each parent would take on before we had a child. Heck, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into and were just happy to keep our baby alive and be able to remember to eat and keep ourselves alive and try to piece together a coherent sentence other than muttering "your turn" those first few months, much less have a conversation about parenting. To be fair to us though, it's kind of hard to have a conversation about our goals, plans, and expectations when we didn't know what to expect. 

Of course when you've been married as long as we have - I think about 14 years now, I lose track - any issues that have started to fester over the years that you've swept under the rug rear their ugly heads when you have to rely on each other even more taking care of a baby and raising a child. Another reason there should be pre-parenting couples counseling! 

Side note: If you're wondering what the health issue was, at his 9 mo appt., he was underweight. I was exclusively breastfeeding and apparently was not producing nearly enough. How was I supposed to know? He seemed perfectly happy and healthy and I fed on demand and stopped when he seemed satisfied. I had to start supplementing and his like for breastfeeding quickly went down the tubes when he saw how much easier it was to get milk from a bottle. Sigh. Well, I certainly fought a long, hard fight to be able to exclusively breast feed him 9 1/2 months. I should get a cake at his first birthday party for this accomplishment! As you breastfeeding mommas out there know, it ain't easy!

Well, despite our mistakes, it appears our son will live to tell about it. And despite our tears and guilt this year, we are definitely happier with him in our lives. He is a beautiful soul and a chill, happy person who makes us laugh daily.

My Baby Learned He Has Hands!

So, my son is 3 months old now and I feel like I've returned to normalcy - to my old self again. However, as you parents know, raising a child gives a new twist on "normalcy". And of course, I will never be my old self again as one of my main roles in life is now a mother.

I was inspired to write today because I was just a guest speaker on a radio show - of the great host, Anjana Love Dixon and a bunch of stuff came up that I could talk hours about!

Over the last week or so, I noticed my son, Bowie, discovering his hands for the first time.  He doesn't know yet that he has control over them. My philosophical side was inspired today, so of course I thought of the correlation between this phenomenon going on with Bowie and ourselves, as adults. We all have the ability to manifest our desires, an ability that many of us don't realize. However, many of us are discovering this ability, such as when we pay attention to our thoughts and realize what comes about in our lives is what we think about and believe can or can't happen.  But we don't know we have a lot of control over our lives.

It's like our thoughts are like a baby discovering their hands. We know we have them (thoughts) but don't yet know how to control them to get what we want. I believe our thoughts are the tool to our lives. That's pretty darn powerful! That's why successful, enlightened gurus like Louise Hay preach doing affirmations. Affirmations are things that you say to yourself to help your life.

If thoughts are this powerful, you'd better pay attention to what your thoughts are. Are you thinking you love yourself? Are you thinking you can do whatever you feel your heart is calling you to do? Are you NOT thinking about what other people think of you, what you're doing, your thoughts and plans? Are you NOT comparing yourself to others?

These are all things that will lead you to a peaceful life and manifesting your dreams. I know because I've tried it in my own life.

Since I'm new at being a mom, I'm not confident like I am about everything else in my life, so it's interesting to watch what happens when my thoughts all of a sudden become self-doubt. It doesn't help that I read so much conflicting information in the research I did on caring for a newborn! There are the basics and then there are the nuances of how to care for a baby and also how to raise a child. I think that's how most of our life is. You need to know the basic steps to learn and do what you want, but the specifics of HOW to go about doing it are the nuances of life. Nuances are different for every single person. You need to realize you have gut feelings about what you should be doing and how you should be doing it and have CONFIDENCE to follow these feelings.

I didn't realize how important and powerful self confidence is for the rest of my life and my mental sanity to be good and balanced until I lost my usual self confidence the last few months (the first few months of my son's life, and first few months of being a mother). I've become an emotional wreck! Of course hormones played a big part in that too! haha.

Here's what I've noticed happens when my thoughts are on self doubt...

• I think I'm not doing things "right"
• I question my ability to do things "right"
• I compare myself to others who seem to be doing it "right"

These are all such damaging thoughts, yet so many of us think them. When this is our norm, we don't realize it.

I need to follow my spiritual teacher, Wayne Dyer's advice when he talks about how he raised his children. He said when they had a problem, he asked them what did their heart/intuition say to do? This is a lesson we all need to remind our selves of every day. 

I'm a Mom Now!

Well, I did it!  I survived a natural labor and delivery and have lived to tell about it. LOL.  I'm proud to welcome our son Bowie Johnson into the world a few days ago, on Saturday, September 5 at 7:45 AM.  He was due on Labor Day but decided to join us a couple days sooner (thankfully because I was so done being pregnant!)

I'd like to share an abbreviated version of my birth story, and what I've experienced the first few days of being a mama.  My first contractions started Friday late afternoon when I was at Opry mills mall with my parents. Then by 10:30 PM we called the midwife and she said to come in to the birthing center.  I was only 3 cm dilated, but she let me stay there for an hour or so to see if things would progress before sending me home to labor more at home. I was very thankful about that because the idea of getting in the car and driving back home and coming back again while having painful contractions was the last thing I wanted to do!  I had progressed enough over the next couple hours so we stayed. It was my ideal birthing experience getting to birth at the brand-new birthing center, Baby & Co! Bowie was the first boy to be born there.

I labored all night and took advantage of the shower and tub, although for the majority of labor I was most comfortable using my hypno babies hypnosis techniques while in bed.  It's funny how time both seems to drag and fly at the same time well you're in labor.  It seems like a while before I could go into the tub, but when I did it was very relaxing (as relaxing as it can be having increasing intense contractions) and I transitioned quickly.  Up until that point my hypno babies hypnosis techniques worked wonderful for laboring. But when I got to the transition stage, they were just so intense and painful thing I could not stay in hypnosis.  Having my Doula, Merrill (of Merrill ChildBirth Services) there to get me through the pain was a life saver when I said many times that I couldn't take it and I wanted the pain to stop in the transition period.  Both my husband and I said we don't know how we could have gotten through it without her help. I highly recommend a doula (especially Merrill if you're in Nashville) to anyone.

It was during this period, when the hypnosis tool I was using wasn't working anymore and I kinda freaked out thinking I didn't think I could handle the pain. I said I wanted an epidural but that wasn't an option. I knew I might get to a point where I would want it and if I were delivering in a hospital, I probably would have gotten it, but I knew that wasn't how I wanted to give birth so that's why I chose the birthing center. That decision to switch from an OB to this natural route was guided by spirit - both my spirit guides and Bowie's spirit (which incidentally WAS one of my major spirit guides in this and many past lifetimes). I was told I would have an amazing, life changing spiritual transition if I gave birth naturally. Since my main spiritual lesson the past couple years has been trust and surrender, I saw this as an opportunity to put my trust to the ultimate test. I never would have thought I could do a natural birth. In fact, I had always said when I have a baby, I'm definitely getting an epidural, since I'm such a baby when it comes to pain. Even though I was scared, I trusted my divine/spiritual guidance and decided to go with the birthing center.

Well, when my labor got to the point where my hypnosis tools stopped working, I had no choice but to turn to spirit to surrender and trust that the universe and all my (and Bowie's) guides and angels would get me through it. I actually didn't think of turning to spirit in the middle of the increasing pain of the transition period and my mind freaking out. It was Dave who got the message to tell me to do this. When I did, sure enough, a major shift happened. I was told I went from ~6 cm dilated to 10 and fully effaced and feeling the urge to push in about an hour! I was also told that I said a mantra/prayer that I don't remember saying and still now, I don't know what it means. I will have to continue to ask spirit and meditate about it. What I do remember is a shift in my mind. From that moment on, for the rest of the labor and delivery, my mind was elsewhere. I felt kind of like I left my body, but just with my mind. I was fully aware of what was going on and still felt like I was physically in my body but my mind didn't freak out because something, like a peace took over and I felt like I didn't need to think about what my body was doing, I really, truly surrendered.

I had never surrendered my mind and body before. I had successfully surrendered fear over the past year, but never my whole mind and body. It was indeed the ultimate lesson and experience of surrender and trust. I think, now, whenever I feel fear, I will have to remember whenever I surrender to spirit, it never fails to support and get me through anything, if it got me through what most people regard as the most difficult and painful life experience - childbirth.

So, I was told to get out of the tub after my water broke.  I went back into the bed to push and deliver. I was told that I only was pushing for one hour.  I don't remember much of what was going on around me at that point because the pain was so intense!  The final minutes of pushing and delivery was one of the most excruciatingly painful things I have ever experienced. Thank God the excruciating part only lasted a minute. Dave was behind me during the whole pushing time being an amazing coach and getting me through it. When they put Bowie on my chest I was just in awe that he came out of me.  They had emergency staff there ready because he had pooped in his sack during labor and they weren't sure if he aspirated any of it. There was, I was told, at least 10 people in the room at delivery. When he immediately started crying, I was told everyone breathed a sigh of relief and everyone but my birthing center team- midwives and a nurse - and my Doula left the room.  After the umbilical cord stopped pulsating Dave got to cut it. It was so nice laying in that big bed with Dave enjoying our new baby for about an hour.  I told Dave and kept thinking holy crap, we are parents now. This is our son!  He was just perfect!

We went home after about four or five hours. I thought to myself as he was put in his car seat how are we going to keep this child alive ourselves?! I know nothing about taking care of a child much less a newborn.

My two boys. We just strapped him in his car seat. Ready to head home from the birthing center.

Bringing Baby Home

That first afternoon and evening were a whirlwind. I am so grateful that my parents are in town to help us out!  Breast-feeding has proven to be very difficult. I was prepared for it to be difficult because I had taken classes and read a lot but you are never prepared for just having gone through a 10 hour labor and are scared and excited and have a flood of emotions and at the same time are very sleep deprived and hormonal.  Dave and I equate it to the frustration of trying something new and challenging for the first time but adding a person who is also trying it for the first time and is also very frustrated.  But we obviously can't wait to start growing quickly because the little tiny bit of colostrum that I am able to produce is not enough to quench his hunger.  Today is day three and it is getting a little easier.  Despite the midwife's recommendation, we decided we needed to give him a little bit of formula.  It was the right decision!  Today I am for the first time able to bond with my child in a non-stressful or frustrating situation. Because before today, he was either inconsolable with hunger or we were both frustrated trying to get him to latch and nurse.

I hope my milk comes in tomorrow and I am able to breast-feed, but I am not going to freak out if that might not be possible.  I will meet with a lactation consultant this week, and take him to his first pediatrician appointment.

I'm writing this as I lay with him in my arms admiring him.  The world seems to stop when I'm looking at him.

For now I am going to enjoy my perfect adorable baby and be thankful that difficult labor and delivery experience is over! I know it went smoothly and not too long compared to the average labor, but even a "smooth" birth hurts like hell.

Message from the Butterfly

So I'm getting very close to my due date and am kinda freaking out a little about the labor & delivery. It doesn't help that my hormones have started to go crazy. This morning I asked my spirit guides and my baby's spirit to help me calm down and give me emotional strength to get through labor. Well, as I sat outside having my coffee this morning, I got my help/message.

A butterfly landed on my foot and stayed there or around me for a while. I can't remember the last time I had a butterfly land on me. At least it has been many years.  I knew that I needed to look up the spirit animal totem of the butterfly when I got inside.  Of course, the message was perfect and just what I needed to hear. Here is what one site, shamanicjourney.com, says that really resonates with me. There's such great stuff here that is undoubtedly helpful to many people, so I'm just going to share a portion of their article here...

Butterfly is the symbol of change, the soul, creativity, freedom, joy and colour. It reminds us not to take things too seriously and to get up and move. They teach us that growth and transformation does not have to be a traumatic experience. It can be joyous. Butterflies possess the ability to grow and change, leaving the safety of their cocoon to discover a new world in a new form without fear, trusting their untested wings to fly without a doubt in their minds. They work through many important stages to become the beautiful creature they are. Similar to the butterfly, we too are always moving through different stages, each equally as vital. It is no good rushing to a particular stage, nor is it good getting stuck at a stage and becoming stagnant. Butterfly is a potent symbol for those considering, or in the throes of, a big change. Butterfly is also one of the most inspiring symbols of the animal world, knowing precisely the time to leave the comfort and limitation of its cocoon, flying freely into the world. Quite frequently, we are not so certain. The cocoon of our thoughts and fears may be limiting, they are also safe and familiar. We can become afraid of what may be outside of our limiting thoughts and belief systems, trapping us and holding us back from ourselves, from our dreams and desires, from our unlimited potential.

We can learn how to move on, how to grow from and improve a situation by finding out which stage we are at. This may be the egg stage, the beginning – where an idea is born and not yet reality. The larvae stage is when you physically get your idea going, usually involving preparation such as planning. The cocoon stage entails developing your ideas, project or talent. The ultimate stage of transformation is coming out of the chrysalis, the birth of the butterfly. This last stage is about sharing the colours and ecstasy of your creation with the rest of the world. Remember that we are always evolving, growing and that we are always at one of these stages. Figure out which stage you are at, whether you need more time to complete one stage before being ready going on to the next. Be careful not to rush, nor get stuck either.

Not all change feels deliberate, it can be very subtle. Such as losing a job and then circumstances pushing you in to a new direction. There may have been things going on within you, getting you ready for a change subconsciously, that you didn’t even recognise. If you are feeling insecure and unsure of what is going on in your life right now, then look back over what has been going on in your life recently or even long ago. Have you ever wished that you had a different job? Of changing career? Are you able to see that on some level your wishes are coming true? I’m sure you will remember the good old saying ‘be careful what you wish for..’ What you focus on, is sure to manifest.

Butterfly can help you see that exiting the cocoon suddenly opens a new door, that there is power in trust and vulnerability. No more than you does a butterfly know whether it can fly, but it opens its wings in perfect confidence, and discovers that their delicacy allow its graceful flight, its dance in the air. When we understand that transformation can be as natural as breathing, when we take ourselves lightly, when we trust in our own untried wings to support us, we learn the message of Butterfly, life itself is a joyous dance. Dance brings us the sweetness of life.

Float / Isolation Tank Experiment - Float #3

Week 3
I did float #3 last night at Float Nashville. I chose the 7pm time and the open tank again.

It was a great float! I'm glad I did the night-time again since I always feel zen and ready to fall asleep after almost every float I've done. I slept so well and long when I got home last night!

I decided to try listening to a guided meditation this time. I'm glad I did! I think this is the way to go, especially for those people who have a hard time relaxing in complete silence listening to nothing but your breathing and your thoughts.

Since I'm a few short weeks away from my due date, and I took the Hypnobabies hypnosis for childbirth class, I figured it perfect to listen to one of the hypnosis meditations.

This was the first float in my prego float experiment where I fell asleep (or maybe I was just in hypnosis or deep meditation). It was wonderful. I was able to fully relax within 10 min. and enjoy that wonderful, unique feeling of floating weightlessly that you can only experience in a float tank - or in space I imagine, but I'm not going to fly to space anytime soon. And, as my growing baby only gets bigger and heavier, I appreciate the load off more and more. In fact, it had been a little more than 7 days since my last float and I felt like my body was craving it.

I kind of wish I didn't go into a sleep or deep meditative/hypnotic state so I could consciously enjoy that awesome floating feeling longer, but I know that state is very healing, even if I'm not conscious of it.  While I was conscious and slowly drifting off, for, about the first 30 min., I remember feeling like my body was in a time warp and falling gently through kind of like a black hole into some other dimension or galaxy in space. I remember feeling the presence of other spirits and angels and even communicating with them. They are all getting ready for the big moment when my baby's spirit enters his body fully and permanently and joins us on earth. I also made sure to ask them to ensure it would be an easy, smooth transition for me also. From a spiritual, metaphysical standpoint, I'm aware that his spirit comes in and out of his body as it's growing in my womb and believe that at birth, it will be permanently in his physical body. I feel like during my drifting into meditation, I felt the spirit world views this transition as a major one, like a firework-producing major event. Of course, people who have experienced childbirth probably already understand the magnitude of this event on a spiritual level as well as every other level. I can't wait to experience it!!!

All in all, it was a very relaxing float and I'm still feeling zen the next day. As I've come to know, deep meditative states are healing on many levels and I won't know the effects of it this soon after, and it's often cumulative, but I know it was great for my pregnant body and mind!

Isolation / Float Tank Experiment: Float 1 & 2

As I was deep in my third trimester a couple weeks ago (I'm 36 weeks now), I was really feeling the aches and pains of pregnancy including expanding hips, back ache, leg cramps, hormone roller coaster. It had been a while since I had a float session at Float Nashville, in their isolation tanks and it just occurred to me that there would probably be so many benefits to doing floats during pregnancy. There is something like 600+lbs of epsom salt in the water. There are many benefits of epsom salt for muscles, leg cramps (charley horses as I like to call them), ligaments, etc... The fact that you're taking away all gravity & weight from back, hips, legs, sciatic nerve, for 90 min seems like it would give all that a chance to rest & heal. Not to mention the extreme mental calm you get from the salt and the sensory deprivation. My hormones have been taking me on an emotional roller coaster! When I've done this in the past, I've felt such a peace for days after.


So, I decided to do one float a week for the remainder of my pregnancy and blog about my experiences and any benefits I saw. 

Background on float/isolation tanks if you're not familiar: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isolation_tank 

Here's a site that talks all about the therapeutic benefits of floating on pregnant mothers:http://ovarium.com/lang-en/content/48-bain-flottant-therapeutique-benefices-pour-les-femmes-enceintes-lors-de-la-grossesse

Float #1:

I did a night float (7-8:30pm) in their open tank - which is not an isolation chamber like the wikipedia picture above but more like a big rectangular hot tub (that only has about a foot of water). I really like the open tank and feel the same benefits of sensory deprivation as I did in the other tanks but I feel a little more comfortable in the open room vs. the tank.

As soon as my body hit the water, I swear my back and hips were rejoicing! The weightlessness was heaven!!! I just kept thinking for a good half hour "I'm in heaven". The relaxation that all my muscles felt after just an hour was equivalent to how I feel after a 2-hour massage (because 1-hour massages can only go deep in some areas of your body, there's never time to get that deep, full-body zen in one hour).

During my float, I decided to try flipping over onto my stomach and drape my arms and chest on a long float log they provided. This was wonderful because for the first time in 6 months, I was able to lay on my stomach! And I'm normally a stomach sleeper, so this felt so great! After what seemed like a half hour or so (time disappears in the float tank), I felt I wanted to experience that weightlessness on my back again before time was up, so I laid like that for the remainder of my 90 min. session.

For this session, I decided to use the inflatable neck/head rest they provided and take out my ear plugs. I had always done floats before without the neck/head support and with earplugs in and it always took longer to adjust to being able to hear myself breathe so loudly in my own head. I really liked not using earplugs and using the head rest so I didn't feel I was always an inch away from salt water getting in my eyes. I think I will do it like this from now on.

I also remember falling asleep in all of my last float sessions. I didn't fall asleep in this session. I think my body was just so excited to feel relief and enjoy the sensation of being on my stomach and having no pressure on my back & hips. I did zone in and out mentally though...

I just love and missed the feeling of the water gently supporting my body. Since the water temperature is about the same as my body temperature, and since you're floating in a dark, silent room, after a while, you don't know where your body ends and the water begins. I feel one with the water and it easily takes me on brief out-of-body experiences where I feel like I could be floating in space. It's such a cool feeling!

I felt like I floated home! Every muscle in my body as well as my mind were feeling so relaxed and zen. This feeling extended into the next day too! The extended physical benefits were amazing! I didn't have a single leg cramp all week! I also was able to get a good night's sleep several nights after the float whereas before, I would wake up with hip pain and need to switch sides every couple hours. My back pain disappeared for several days and it only came back with minor pain that I could manage and improve with stretching.

Float #2:

I did the open tank again. This time, I tried a mid-afternoon session (3-4:30pm).

I wouldn't do an afternoon session again because I wasn't able to clear my mind like I have been able to every time I do a night session. I experienced during this session, what I've heard many first-time floaters experience. Not as much physical relaxation because the mind won't stop racing and the anxiety or uncomfortable feelings that accompany this. It's interesting because after reflecting on my first session, it's clear I needed more physical healing at the time then mental healing. And, in my second session, I felt more mental anxiety, or maybe that's a strong word - maybe just that uncomfortable mental state when you feel you should be able to relax but can't and you get frustrated which causes more discomfort. I think, I needed more mental healing this time than physical. Which would make sense because I wasn't feeling as much of the physical discomforts of pregnancy over the last week after my first session but was feeling anxiety over childbirth and the transition into motherhood.

I wouldn't say I felt worlds better with my mental anxiety, which was what I was dealing with this week, after my float but I did feel a little better. The fact that becoming a parent and birthing a baby are such monumental, major life things, does not surprise me that I wasn't able to be completely "healed" after just one float session.

I think part of the mental anxiety healing process is to recognize and face those things that are causing us anxiety before we can release them. I believe my float session allowed me to block out all other life distractions and focus on nothing but the elephant(s) in the room. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. However, I know it's necessary in healing the mind and spirit.

I think a lot of people experience this during their first float, especially those who are in good physical health, because the physical body is usually the first to want to heal before the emotional body. I think giving up after just one session if you experience this is like giving up just as you're starting to make progress. I look forward to seeing more emotional relief after my next session.

The Wonders of Being Guided By Spirit

My last Empowerment Hour with TSU students today was so inspiring and heartwarming, I think I got as much of a benefit as I think the students did. I love how the universe guides me through other people. I didn't even bring any notes of what I was going to talk about, I just trusted my spirit would guide me and I'd know what to do when it started. I thought of some ideas of what I could say over the last week and sure enough, when I let spirit guide me, it's like magic sometimes how cool things unfold and how spirit guides me when I keep myself open to it.

So, I just decided to let them tell me what they wanted to talk about - so I could directly address their needs. I gave them pieces of paper and said to write any question they have about anything in the areas of relationships, career and/or spirituality. They came up with such precious and brilliant questions. I not only was able to help them with some big issues they have in their lives right now but I am learning what young people of college age are having problems with. There are, not surprisingly, common issues. The better I can know this audience, the better I can develop speeches with pertinent content - that will attract them to want to come to hear my message.

And also, one student asked about meditation. Ironically, the answer to almost everyones questions seemed to boil down to the fact that having a clear, strong connection with spirit is the answer and meditation is a main way to achieve that. Now I see why my spirit was pushing me so hard to do these Empowerment Hours with the students, and the drive to keep trying even after the first one failed - no one showed up. I just feel a push that's bigger than myself to keep at it. Some would call that following your heart. Now I see how valuable it can be. I only had a few students this time but learned so much and have much more clarity about what to do for next steps.

Baby steps. I have patience and confidence in growing my business and making a living as a public speaker because I know something much bigger than myself is guiding me and therefore it can't go wrong. I know this and have faith in it because I've been testing this theory / phenomenon for years and it has proven time and time again that it's the best GPS for you live.

Thank you students who attended my Empowerment Hour today. You've inspired me and you and your struggles are in my thoughts and heart. You are all such brilliant, beautiful, talented young ladies and I hope I can help you see that for yourselves.

I'm On a Mission From God

As the Blues Brothers said, "I'm On a Mission From God". 


So I haven't written in a long time because I've been in the dark about my path in life for a while and didn't seem to be getting what I desired which caused me to be withdrawn (maybe necessary to have the major spiritual transformations I've had in the last 6 months).
BUT... I finally got a big message from God today! I feel inspired to share this message.



I caught a bit of Joel Osteen's sermon on TV this morning (after my joking that you know you're in the bible belt when the only thing on TV Sunday morning is church TV). I thought I'd see why so many people seem to like him so much. After a few minutes, I heard a message that directly answered what I was talking to my dad about yesterday: That I was frustrated that I haven't reached success in my career yet, especially financial success.

I didn't really know what my exact career even was going to be, I just know that when I follow my heart, in my experience and belief, I can't go wrong. I've known that ultimately I will travel the country speaking/teaching/singing and in the last year I've discovered the audience I'm called to is young adults. I've even narrowed down the "what" that I will speak and teach about - what I've learned and believe about spirituality and how to use it to gain self confidence, self love and self empowerment. So, those are the only things about my ideal career I know. However, I've been in the dark for a while about not knowing the path to get there and what my next steps should be. This is a very frustrating and freightening feeling, not knowing. And I am a very impatient person so the last year of me asking God/spirit/my divine guides for answers and not getting many answers all the while struggling financially, has seemed like an eternity!

I'm thrilled to say, that my answer has finally just been revealed to me this morning!

First, I'd like to share with you what Joel Osteen spoke about that led me to my answer from spirit.

Keep the faith even in times of challenge AND when you don't understand why you're facing this challenge. Keep faith in following your heart and dreams despite this. For me this means not worrying or comparing myself to anyone else who might be reaching their own levels of success when I have not yet.

He also talked about challenge and pressure as necessary to build the character that you'll need to do what it is you're meant to do. And if the challenge was really an obstacle to achieving your dream, God would have removed it already.

I love the idea that in order to learn true faith, you have to learn it through doing/experiencing having it despite challenge.

I may have a longer, more challenging career path than most, but my faith is not waivering. I will stay the course and continue to ask spirit for guidance along the way because I know in my heart this will bring me success beyond my wildest dreams. I think few people could do this unique career path because it takes a huge amount of tenacity, and we all know I've got plenty of that! ;)

I'm not even thinking about money when I think about my calling because I believe the amount of love and joy that comes from doing something you're passionate about, and the rewards you get back from helping others is triple what you give. I don't need to think about making money at this stage because I know I will be rewarded very well financially when I follow my passion, heart and calling. I will be abundant in love, health AND money. And I have always been and will continue to be supported financially along the way. Somehow I've always managed to pay my bills and put a roof over my head and food on my table.

I'm grateful that I have so much love in my life right now (a wonderful husband and band that we have so much fun sharing together) as well as my health. And I really love my current job teaching the students at TSU. Not to mention our hearts and the love are going to expand more than ever when our first child comes into the world. I have so much to be grateful for as I journey along my path to my ultimate career, how can I complain? Well, I was fortunately (or unfortunately ;) born to shoot for the stars and have had a hard time being grateful for what I have along the way.

It's so necessary for me to get a glimpse of the bigger picture once in a while from the powers that be who see my bigger picture and confirmation that in fact, I am on the right path and that yes, I will actually reach the star that I'm shooting for in the future. Thank you God/universe/spirit! I needed that and am now feeling so much peach and gratitude for everything I have!

All it takes is faith. So simple yet SO difficult.

Faith. 1. Faith that all is just as it should be right now. 2. Faith that following your heart and love really is the answer. 3. Faith that each one of us has the power to fulfill our dreams, whatever they may be/look like. And when it doesn't seem to be panning out like or looking exactly how we imagined, see #1.

I feel like keeping my big message from spirit today about my path and next steps private (because many of you would think it's crazy as I did for a minute), but I'll tell you that it is not at all what I ever imagined I would be doing. But because I follow faith "rule" #1, I can see how it will lead me to my big picture, my ultimate career idea. And I know it will lead me there because when I was given this message/guidance today, my heart had fireworks thinking about it and I believe in faith "rule" #2.

Peace and love to you all and may you always follow your heart.

Megan

This Week.....

I've been only writing about spiritual lessons lately, so I thought I'd give you an update on my band, Scale Model, since we've been working our asses off and almost burning ourselves out the past 3-4 months but it will not be in vain. We just took out a loan to hire a PR firm out of LA for a 4-month campaign to get our new album in the ears of people besides our friends and family. They recommended doing a national release (essentially a re-release) but with added content, so we're soliciting DJs and producers to do a remix of one of four songs from the album. We're paying one well-known DJ out of Chicago to do one. A couple friends around Nashville want to do one too. We're also booking a week tour in October, a weekend tour in early Sep., and a weekend tour in early Nov.  We're also doing a new music video in August for the song Plato's Cave. Seth, who did our last one for Live It Up is doing it again. I asked our neighbor who is an actor and does some writing to ask his screenwriter friends for ideas for the new video.

I went to a really cool gong meditation/ gong bath the last weekend where I released some shit. My guides told me to ask this woman who was sitting near me if she was a healer. She was, in fact, or should I say of course because my guides don't steer me wrong, a healer and I just went to her house today.  She is a shining example of what it means to live in gratitude and trust the universe has your back and your best interest in mind regarding how your life unfolds. She also helped me see my fears more clearly. Not surprisingly, these are the messages I've been getting this week as I ask my guides for guidance and listen. I also started listening to Carolyn Myss's book (on audible) Spiritual Power, Spiritual Practice in the mornings on my way to work. It's a great lesson and reminder to trust your spiritual guidance as well as what it means to harness and live in all of your spiritual power so you can manifest like a motherf*ker. That should be the name of my next song... manifest like a motherf*ker.

Speaking on songs, a catchy melody/line for a chorus of a song that hasn't been written yet came to me tonight and in 30 min., Dave and I wrote a verse and chorus around it. I need to go write lyrics to my new hit song now. ;)

Stress Can Kill

I recently had a health incident that the doctor said has either caused or aggravated IBS. One of the main causes of IBS is stress apparently. This incident has made me realize just how stressed I've been over the past 6 months. I guess I should be thanking my body and spirit for letting me know when I'm unconsciously doing something that's damaging to both body and spirit before it causes serious, irreparable damage such as disease. This is a concept that I first learned after reading Awakening Intuition by Mona Lisa Schultz. She talks about how your body & spirit will tell you when you're not connected with it. It first lets you know by whispering in your ear, then giving you a tap on the shoulder. If you don't pay attention, it will try to let you know again but each time you ignore it, the severity and consequences are greater until you have no choice but to pay attention. I like to think of it as first a tap, then a slap on the face, then a blow to the side of the head with a 2x4, and I hate to imagine any more severe than that, but disease is probable. It's hard to believe that people could be so ignorant that they disregard sign after sign, signal after signal. But it happens all the time, including to myself. We're souls in bodies who need to tend to our souls just like our bodies. If you disregard the soul, the body will suffer.

Paying attention to messages from your spirit is not very easy if you're not consciously connected to it. The thing that separates us from our spirit or any benevolent spirit is ego. The emotions associated with the ego are fear, anger, greed, jealousy, basically any emotion that doesn't sprout from love.

I had a pretty bad day the other day (at least partially aided by my hormone cycle change) and I asked spirit to help me. Shortly after, I felt a wave of gratitude. It wiped away my bad feelings and I may add, stress. I don't know if my spirit is getting more powerful or I'm just realizing the power I've had all along. The power to get help whenever you need it. This is the best kind of advice from the one place in this universe that knows your potential and true desires and has your best interest at heart. The power to receive help and/or guidance as quickly as I ask for it. As long as I don't have anything blocking my connection to spirit, my life is pretty damn awesome and things just flow to me and I'm always grateful and feeling loved and supported.

When you let the ego get between you and spirit a little bit, if you're aware, you'll just get right back on track. I used to think this however, I considered myself an aware person, yet I let my ego in a little bit and before I knew it, I was sucked in and not even aware of it. Now that my connection with my spirit is stronger again, I can see that I haven't felt that wonderful love, gratitude and ultimate support in a while.

I've had the feeling (ego) creap in that I wasn't feeling supported many times over the past year. Ironically, I now see that spirit was trying to give me a message that my not feeling supported was getting in the way of my connection with it. I saw this from an intuitive hit when I was getting energy work from my healer friends. It also makes me realize that my neck problems are related to this not feeling supported.

This confirms yet again that my passion to help people get connected with their spirit, is a worthy one.

Simplify Your Life by Simplifying Your Thoughts

A friend told me they were planning to simplify their life to minimize stress. After thinking about this great idea, I realized I need to do the same thing but instead focus on simplifying my thoughts. One thing I've done in the past and need to start doing regularly to help with simplifying my thoughts is writing a list of everything on my mind.

For some reason, I tend to avoid writing lists, something I know is beneficial. Writing lists, when I am juggling a lot, would help me to stop juggling all of it in my mind, and instead just think about a couple things at a time because I would know I don't have to keep track of everything since it's all on paper. I'd get to each item when I get to it. There's something about when you put a thought or task on paper, it can safely leave the constant juggling of thoughts in your mind. I didn't realize how much energy and stress juggling so many things in my mind takes up and how much it taxes my mental sanity until I tried writing a list some time ago.

If a task or thought or problem seems too big to handle, try writing it down. Almost every time, it doesn't seem as daunting when it's written on paper. Then, you can make a point to stop the constant mental chatter for every single item on your list and allow yourself to only focus on a couple at a time.

This is such a simple idea, so simple that I usually blow it off and don't do it because I think, aw, I don't need to bother to write a list, I can manage it in my mind. Yet it's so very profound in how much it can improve mental health, and because stress and anxiety negatively affect your physical health, it helps that too!

Thanks friend for unintentionally reminding me, to start writing lists again!

Documentation of the Law of Attraction in Action

Just wanted to document the law of attraction working...

My band just released our first full-length album (www.scalemodelmusic.com if you want to check it out) and we needed to hire a PR person to send press releases to media around the country/world but after paying for all that goes into recording, mixing, mastering, duplicating, the album, etc... we were broke. I just believed that we would find money somehow and the night before we were going to meet with the PR person, I called my mom who said she just donated $100 to our album - exactly the amount we were short for what we needed to pay the PR person. Shit like this happens all the time. I need to start documenting it more so people can see the law of attraction actually works.
Werk it!

In other news, tonight it became even more clear to me that my purpose in life is to inspire people to follow their dreams.

My path has changed

The topic of my last post became a song. I can't wait to play it live for the first time at our next show! Some exciting news..... my band Scale Model, has finished our first full-length album and will release it this week! Stay tuned on our website: www.ScaleModelmusic.com

I'm enjoying only teaching 3 classes this semester! The plan was to focus more time on developing my life coaching business and writing a book. It sometimes happens as I live my life listening to my higher self, my inner genius, for guidance, that my plans change. I have thought for years now that I wanted to be like Wayne Dyer, a world famous motivational speaker and author. But I guess, for some reason, I had never really entertained the idea or thought I could do it. Well, guess what my divine guidance has led me to? I'm always glad I listen to this guidance because everything flows to me when I do. I've been trying to figure out what my ideal clientele is for my life coach business and it kept coming back to young adults. The problem is, young adults 18-25 don't usually have the interest or money to get a life coach. I would need to reach them in a way that was easy, free and accessible to them. Also, I like teaching and speaking to groups more than one-on-one, so speaking at Colleges/Universities seemed like a good idea. Since I teach college, and thanks to an article my mom's friend sent me, I realized doing seminars/workshops at the University seemed like the perfect path for me. I started reaching out to the people I know at 2 area Universities and one community college. I am talking to all of them about doing a seminar!