It's Happening! I Took the Leap to Start My Own Business!

It has been a terrifying and exciting roller coaster, but since the universe pushed me into having no choice but to do what I had slowly started to do over the last year (and had been thinking about for years), I took the leap to start my own business! It's called JMJ Communication Group, a training, coaching and consulting business.  

I knew I wasn't meant to teach college full-time forever, so after 6 years of struggling to find a full-time college teaching position, doing the adjunct thing for most of that time and finally getting a full-time lecturer position at a state university near me only to be one of the first to be let go a year and a half later when the department had to cut it's FTT staff in half, I got the message. The skills and knowledge I had gained teaching all that time teaching communication classes perfectly prepared me to finally be ready to start my communication training, coaching and consulting business I had been thinking about for years. The only reason I hadn't had the courage and confidence to take the leap before is because I thought it would be very hard to secure regular business, aka, income and liked the idea of just showing up for a job and know I would have a regular paycheck. The idea of starting a business also seemed like a monumental task, like climbing Mt. Everest. And that's exactly what it feels like now, but I've been able to focus on specific things I have gained expertise in over the years and want to offer in my business and have a strong passion for teaching those topics, so my motto has become take it a day at a time. As long as I am taking steps forward every day, even if some days it's just a baby step, I feel I'm making progress. 

I've been taking more than just baby steps for the last few months, when I made up my mind that I was going to go for this for real. And, already, I feel like I'm at base camp 1. I love that Everest documentary, and frequently compare my journey in starting my business to climbing a mega mountain. And the more progress I make, the more excited and confident I feel. 

And speaking of baby steps, I have a 1-yr old (our 1st child), so I talk about that in my vlog in case anyone with young kids thinks they can't follow their dream and start their own business with little ones. In fact, that's one of the main reasons I decided to go for it now because it has been 8 years since I worked a 9-5, M-F job and the thought of having to go back to doing that now and not be able to spend some days during the week with my toddler is not something I can imagine!

I started a vlog on my youtube channel a couple weeks ago to document my journey and share tips in hopes to help others who have always wanted to start their own business but have not had the courage and/or confidence to do it. You can check follow along with me weekly there... https://youtu.be/_GMg5YMFTCM?t=20s  It's very amateur, raw and honest, and was very scary to do these first 2 videos, so bare with me. ;)

Also, speaking of baby steps, I just saw a great video by Tony Robbins on the idea of the importance of making progress in your goals. It's called The Art of Fulfillment. Check it out.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ncm3vxbOmyc 

The Case of the Difficult Co-Worker: A Simple Solution

I was talking to someone the other day who was complaining about her co-worker and how she wanted to quit the job because she couldn't stand her co-worker and working with her anymore. I asked what was going on and she said this co-worker would say things like, "that's nice you're out on the town enjoying yourself when I'm here at the office working" in the evenings. I asked if this person wanted a pat on the back for work she does a lot and they confirmed yes! So I said, if that's just what this person needs - appreciation and acknowledgement for her good work and hard-working dedication - do you give that to her? She laughed and said "No, I'm not going to pat her on the back!"

I wondered why she was not willing to do something that seemed to me to be a simple solution to this major problem that was making her miserable enough to want to quit her job! Why? Because her ego was involved. She probably thought her co-worker was demeaning her for her lack of hard work and/or dedication to the job and her ego got flared up and she didn't want to let this person continue to believe this and even possibly encourage her to do so by stroking her ego. She took this co-workers words personally - which is what happens when we don't assume someone is behaving badly because of their own issues. (see my past blog post for more about this)

Wait! Maybe the co-worker WAS demeaning her for her lack of hard work and/or dedication to the job you say? Well, that's also an easy fix if she thought that was the case. She could just have a conversation with her co-worker about expectations and goals about the work and responsibilities.

Then, once they had the conversation and came to an agreement on work expectations and goals, if this co-worker kept behaving badly, she would know they either didn't really come to an agreement in their conversation. OR she could just not take what the co-worker says personally knowing, from their conversation, that she really just needs pats on the back once in a while. But she wouldn't know this if she didn't communicate with her co-worker.

It amazes me how people are willing to go to great lengths to put up with misery or even make a major, possibly detrimental, change in their lives just because they don't want to have a difficult conversation.

I am a communication teacher and have a coaching business where I help people in situations just like this. If you have a problem with someone at work who is making you miserable and you don't want to communicate with them, seek outside help instead of causing yourself months or years of misery.

Is It OK To Love Shopping If I'm A Spiritual, Urban Hippy?

I used to think I was a walking contradiction because I love clothes and fashion and shopping, yet I also consider myself a bit of an urban hippy and a spiritual "new ager". These days, however, I don't care anymore about labels and silly social "rules" or expectations of others and am happy to be a hybrid leopard with many different kinds of spots.

A side thought: I wonder how much age has to do with the amount I give a shit about others expectations of me? Reminds me of Wanda Sykes bit about getting older and not giving a f*ck. Do yourself a favor and take a listen if you haven't heard this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qXzfVny8Zo

Don't get me wrong, I love getting a great goodwill or thrift store find just like the next person, but I also love shopping designer labels at Nordstrom Rack. I love that store because you can get great designer or designer-looking, quality, trendy clothes at a great price. Anyone who has champagne tastes with a ginger ale budget like me probably shares my gratitude for stores like NR.

I have always loved clothes. I always feel confident and fabulous in a new top or outfit. I love when people compliment my clothes too. And there's nothing like shopping to help relieve a little stress or overcome a bad week. Retail therapy is for real!

My new shirt makes me happy

I don't think there's anything wrong with buying something that makes you feel good when you're feeling crappy. It's when you go overboard and it becomes your self-medication and you need to shop to feel good. Or, I know people who feel anxiety or inadequate somehow and always think that if they just had a better this or that, that they'd feel content but contentment never comes. They just always want something better.

Homeowners know what I'm talking about too. You always find something to improve on in your house. We just bought a house last year so this annoying feeling of always wanting better is starting to drive me crazy. We never really cared about what needed improving in the house we were renting because we had no control over home improvements so we just gave up. I can get carried away easily in my quest for perfection in my house. There was something nice about just being content (usually lol) with what we had in our old house.

That same thing applies to people always wanting stuff. The new this or that is always on their minds, thinking about when they can acquire it. I love FB marketplace because you can "shop" all the time thinking about what you might need or want and not feel too bad about buying shit because it's used and a cheap price. But, it can easily perpetuate the obsession with feeling you need stuff to feel good.

I've found myself getting into that rut lately. I don't realize how stressed I've become until I realize how much I've bought the last month or two. For me, shopping is an immediate "feel good", especially if I've scored something for a great bargain. So, that feel good feeling blocks out the anxiety I feel about my life at the moment. It's not to the extent that I consider myself a shopaholic. I know many people who do this same behavior who aren't shopaholics but like the occasional pick-me-up that buying something new (or new to you) gives you.

My motto is everything is ok in moderation. As long as you are self-aware to realize when you need to focus on some self-care to reach a better balance in your life, it's all good sister!

Contradiction of Lifestyles-Values ??

Many people in the spiritual or new age camp as well as any kind of hippy will say that minimalism is the way to go and if you have a lot of stuff or like to buy stuff (especially, god forbid NEW stuff and not used or recycled stuff), you're not a true spiritual person or hippy. Well, I see nothing wrong with wearing many caps and don't feel I perfectly fit into any one category of lifestyle. I love my girlfriends clothing swaps and thrift-storing and garage-sailing as much as I love shopping at my favorite retail clothes store. I also have gone long periods where I haven't bought anything but necessities and focused on other more important things in life. But then I missed the great feeling of finding that perfect new outfit or accessory. I fit into my own unique lifestyle and it's working just fine for me. I just make sure I have balance in life. When I have that, I am able to love myself and my life and embrace my uniqueness. Screw labels and the judgments that come along with them. If wearing a brand new shirt you love that you just bought makes you feel fabulous, I say YOU GO GIRL! There are enough places, people, rules, norms that try to make people feel like they're not good enough or inadequate or are doing it wrong.

Life is too short to not enjoy the simple things. Even if for me, that simple thing just might be a new shirt!

Poll for all of you shopping lovers out there: What is your favorite thing to buy? Where is your favorite store to shop? comment below

How To Resolve Any Argument

2 Steps to Resolve Any Argument

Yes, they're easier said than done, I know

1. Just get out of your own head/ego and try to see the perspective of the other person (put yourself in their shoes) and why they might be arguing with you and ask if there might be a misunderstanding and communicate from a place of non-anger and understanding. 2. Try to get the other person to get out of their own head/ego and see the situation from your perspective (put themselves in your shoes) and communicate from a place of non-anger and understanding.

This seemed so simple to me until I had a major dispute with my mother. It was easy for me to step outside myself to see the broader situation and try to understand her perspective. This is because I've done years of spiritual and self-reflection work and happen to be a communication professor so I'm able to get out of my ego and communicate well. So, I should have known that this is no easy task for most people. I know now though. It was almost impossible for me to get my mom to put herself in my shoes. Her ego tends to flare up quickly and she puts a wall up in her mind to refuse to see anything from anyone else's perspective. It took over ONE YEAR for her to finally understand my perspective and all of a sudden, when she did, her anger toward the situation disappeared. 

SO..... it CAN be done, but it ain't easy! 

Message me if you want to know exactly how I get out of my ego.

As we know, you can't just write off a close friend, spouse or family member from one argument (it's a bad idea that you'll regret). So, if anyone is having a major argument with a friend, spouse, family member or co-worker and want help, let me know. We can chat. I need to hear both sides of the story from each of you though, so each person has to be willing to work it out. Email me and we'll set up a time to chat.

Also email me or comment below if you feel this technique won't work for your situation. I've put it to the test in many situations, but want to know if there are some that it won't work for. 

coachmeganjrox@gmail.com