I thought I was doing pretty good with the mommy guilt thing. I was able to go back to work and leave my baby with someone else to care for for the first time after 4 1/2 months without feeling guilty. He hasn't had any falls or accidents or physical injuries. But the first time my his health was in jeopardy because we're first-time parents and didn't know any better, mommy guilt snuck in like a ninja and wreaked havoc on me for, well, a month now. I always thought I would not be one of those mothers who feels guilty for making mistakes, because after all, we're not perfect right? Ha! Easier said than done when it comes to your child I'm finding out. When I make mistakes in my life, it's easy for me to practice self-compassion because it's myself who I'm screwing up and I know I can live with my own mistakes. But when it's someone else's life, someone who is helpless and impressionable, who you're screwing up, it's hard to accept they will have to live with the consequences of your mistakes. I don't know why mistakes we make towards our children are so hard to accept and forgive though. It's not like some past mistakes haven't affected someone else's life before. I'm sure I've made a financial mistake that affected my husband. Although all I can remember are his mistakes that have cost us, haha. Funny how selective memory works.
I also find it very strange that they have pre-marital counseling before you get married (at least in the church), but there is no pre-parenting counseling before having a baby and so far, raising a child has been far harder than staying married. It's not even the same ballpark.
Our first year of parenting could have gone smoother if my husband and I had talked about our expectations of roles and responsibilities each parent would take on before we had a child. Heck, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into and were just happy to keep our baby alive and be able to remember to eat and keep ourselves alive and try to piece together a coherent sentence other than muttering "your turn" those first few months, much less have a conversation about parenting. To be fair to us though, it's kind of hard to have a conversation about our goals, plans, and expectations when we didn't know what to expect.
There really needs to be parenting classes. I mean, I consider myself an educated, informed person who has read baby development books and researched (ad nauseum) online but I see lots of conflicting information and I have relied on my pediatrician to tell me what I need to be doing and if I'm doing something wrong. Which did not happen, hence the major health issue. I mean, they have classes/training to get married, get a drivers license, get a job, play an instrument, go through childbirth, learn how to swim, I could go on.... WHY NO CLASSES ON HOW TO RAISE A CHILD???!!!!
I also find it very strange that they have pre-marital counseling before you get married (at least in the church), but there is no pre-parenting counseling before having a baby and so far, raising a child has been far harder than staying married. It's not even the same ballpark.
Our first year of parenting could have gone smoother if my husband and I had talked about our expectations of roles and responsibilities each parent would take on before we had a child. Heck, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into and were just happy to keep our baby alive and be able to remember to eat and keep ourselves alive and try to piece together a coherent sentence other than muttering "your turn" those first few months, much less have a conversation about parenting. To be fair to us though, it's kind of hard to have a conversation about our goals, plans, and expectations when we didn't know what to expect.
Of course when you've been married as long as we have - I think about 14 years now, I lose track - any issues that have started to fester over the years that you've swept under the rug rear their ugly heads when you have to rely on each other even more taking care of a baby and raising a child. Another reason there should be pre-parenting couples counseling!
Side note: If you're wondering what the health issue was, at his 9 mo appt., he was underweight. I was exclusively breastfeeding and apparently was not producing nearly enough. How was I supposed to know? He seemed perfectly happy and healthy and I fed on demand and stopped when he seemed satisfied. I had to start supplementing and his like for breastfeeding quickly went down the tubes when he saw how much easier it was to get milk from a bottle. Sigh. Well, I certainly fought a long, hard fight to be able to exclusively breast feed him 9 1/2 months. I should get a cake at his first birthday party for this accomplishment! As you breastfeeding mommas out there know, it ain't easy!
Well, despite our mistakes, it appears our son will live to tell about it. And despite our tears and guilt this year, we are definitely happier with him in our lives. He is a beautiful soul and a chill, happy person who makes us laugh daily.
Well, despite our mistakes, it appears our son will live to tell about it. And despite our tears and guilt this year, we are definitely happier with him in our lives. He is a beautiful soul and a chill, happy person who makes us laugh daily.
