In-Between Worlds

I haven't written in a while. I've been consumed with work (I teach communication at TSU and Vol. State), band stuff (we recorded a full-length album this fall and did a little tour), and trying to get my life coach business off the ground and develop other parts of the business (public speaking, teaching workshops and writing a book). I also developed baby fever. Ha, I like how that sounds like some kind of disease. Well, until a year ago, that's the way I looked at having children - something undesirable that eats all your free time and money and prevents you from doing what you want. A year ago, I realized those fears were just that, fears and that experiencing motherhood and having a child with the man I love was something I wanted. For a couple months recently, I became obsessed for some reason and I spent all of my free time looking at baby clothes, things to build a nursery, what to expect books, non-toxic cleaners and lotions, pre-natal vitamins, etc... But for some reason, it just didn't feel right. Something wasn't jiving. It was like my ego and spirit were fighting each other and something was telling me it wasn't quite the right time. Thankfully, I went to a wonderful women's spiritual retreat that taught us the medicine wheel (a native american spiritual tool). At this retreat I got clarity from my guides as well as from some wise, older spiritual women, that it indeed was not the right time because my band is about to release our first full-length album and actually have a very good chance that we will get help from someone in the music business/industry (like a record label, &/or manager, &/or booking agent). My and Dave's dream of touring a lot and making decent money (at least part-time money) so we can afford to take off for a month and tour is about to come to fruition after all these years of busting our butts and sacrificing to try to make this band work. This is not the time to start a family. Not to say that I don't intend on having a child and continuing to tour with my band, but we'll have to be a little bit further along so that we've got steady, lucrative tours and are able to afford buying an RV and hiring a nanny to come on the road with us. I wouldn't want to tour in a minivan with a baby (nor would our bandmates I'm sure! ;)

So, anyway, this is what has been going on in my world. 

I (with Dave's encouragement) decided to only teach 3 classes next semester so I can have more time to devote to building my business, and also, hopefully start touring with the band. I also decided that none of those classes would be public speaking. I can't tell you how happy that makes me to not have to teach public speaking anymore! I'll be teaching fundamentals of communication. The reason I don't like teaching public speaking is because since it's a required gen. ed. class, no one wants to be there and everyone is petrified and/or hates having to speak in front of people so they have bad attitudes and at TSU, it seems only freshmen take it, so I've got immature, hung-over, bad study skilled people to deal with too. Most of them are still teenagers (18/19). It's a shame that towards the end of the semester, I've got them all trained and they've finally chilled out and have better attitudes. I like them now and the semester is almost over. Many of them recently told me that they told their friends to take me for public speaking next semester but were upset when they saw that I'm not listed as a teacher for that in the spring. That made me feel good. But not good enough to teach it again!

In-Between Worlds

My struggle lately has been that I feel in-between worlds and don't feel I belong in any one. I feel like I have many feet in many different worlds but am not fully immersed in any of them. It's hard being in limbo, waiting for something(s) you've been working on to come to fruition. I want a lot of things but don't have any of them at the moment. I've been working hard on my band and building my life coaching business but none of them have gotten to the successful part yet. 

The other thing I've been feeling an empty-ness for is a best friend. I'm the type of person who needs at least one best girl friend who knows all of me and who I'm comfortable being completely myself with and who I have a lot in common with, who is also interested in spiritual development, and is interested and available to do the things that I like to do and hang out. I have a ton of friends but most of them are more like acquaintences. Because I've been so busy with my business and the band and working my day job to pay the bills, I haven't had much time to hang out with or really get to know anyone.

It's interesting that the last few single people I've interviewed for my book are struggling with the almost the same thing - too busy with their careers to devote time to finding and developing a romantic relationship. This seems like too much of a coincidence to be just a coincidence. I'm sure the universe has something in mind for me around this. I suppose if I want to help single people find Mr. or Mrs. "right", I need to learn a similar lesson myself.

I Got My First Article Published in a Magazine!

Keep your eye out for the next issue of Be Real magazine. I wrote about the same thing I did a workshop on last month - Dealing With Difficult People (esp. family members during the holidays).